“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi

When I was single I use to dread Valentine’s Day. I was either dating someone who wasn’t ready to commit, so I would fear no flowers, or I was single, which was probably better, because at least I expected nothing except a night home with my cats. Now that I’ve been married five years, I can reflect back on the barriers within myself that kept me single until the age of 39.  These are the four areas I suggest you do a little self-reflection if you are truly ready for a life partnership.

 1. Examine your childhood- Oh the joys of how we perceive what our parents did and didn’t do for us as kids. Just know they were doing the best with what they knew at the time. If you felt either of your parents were emotionally unavailable, or left you feeling abandoned or ignored in any way, there could be a strong tendency to be attracted to partners who leave you feeling the same way: “less than.” These emotionally unavailable partners remind you of one of your parents, which gives you a feeling of  being “HOME.” Do your best to shift your perception of “Home” and remember that love is suppose to feel GOOD. You deserve someone who is willing to reciprocate the amount of love, time and energy you have to give in a relationship.As I say in my book, “Reciprocity is a beautiful thing!”

 2.  Your dating patterns- If you tend to date the same type of people such as, workaholics, alcoholics, controlling/insecure partners, people who conveniently live out of state or are married, take a look at how these dating patterns could be your ego’s way of keeping you from experiencing real intimacy. Shift your dating pattern and open yourself up to an entirely different type of person. They may look and be very different than what you have experienced in the past, but more than anything, make sure they are KIND. Kindness goes a long way when you are in a life partnership.

 3. Your Personality- This is always a tough one to swallow, but a good one. I once heard Marianne Williamson say, ‘Pray to be healed of anything in your personality that is keeping you from love.’  If you have a tendency to be needy, insecure, angry or jealous repeatedly in your relationships, these are characteristics that can push partners away.  Also pay close attention to how your addictions and habits can be affecting your relationships.  When I drank alcohol and caffeine they would alter my personality and I would say things I couldn’t have imagined saying without them. I can definitely attribute a few break-up blow outs to the use of these mind altering substances. So put the wine and Starbucks aside and enjoy your person with a clear mind and open heart.

 4. PRAY!  If you are ready to be married or in a committed relationship, ask God daily for the person He/She has willed for you. Only God knows who is for your highest good and will allow you the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth. Surrender your wish list of a mate to the Universe, such as height, hair color, career, financial status and open up to a partner who has been orchestrated by the heavens.  Pay attention for synchronistic events in your life and act on your intuition when you feel prompted to go to an event  you wouldn’t normally attend,  because you just never know where you might meet your person.  Make extra effort to say “yes,” when friends invite you out.


Whether you are single or in a relationship, be sure and make God your #1 Valentine today and every day.
Partners may come and go, but God will always be by your side.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Much love,


Kathleen Kastner is the Owner of Maya Yoga in Kansas City. Her first book, The Cheerleader Speaks! What God Taught Me About Men and Myself,
is available at www.kathleenkastner.com;  www.amazon.com and www.smashwords.com.